Home Secretary Priti Patel was excited to announce the UK’s new ‘points-based’ immigration system, finally allowing the Government to take back control.
The Australian-style immigration system, stolen from an old forgotten UKIP manifesto, means that migrants wanting to enter the UK for work must meet certain criteria to be approved.
But how do migrants achieve ‘points’ under the new system? I’ll explain:
- Replacing the 19,000 nurses we are trying to stop leave the NHS: +50 points
- Ability to cook a Sunday Roast: +30 points
- Proficiency in talking about the weather: +20 points
- Disliking the EU: +10 points
- Being a scapegoat for us to use in the next election: +10 points
- Juggling or other circus skills: +10 points
- Being an experienced professor in quantum gravitational field theory: +5 points
- Being an expert in any humanities or arts: 0 points
- Speaking any languages fluently other than English: -10 points
- Bringing any culture other than food: -20 points
- Plans to steal jobs and scrounge off of benefits: -20 points
- Being named Mohammed: -30 points
- Having a skin colour darker than white: -50 points (additional -10 points for an accent)
Through meeting any of these criteria, only high-skilled migrants who can achieve 70,000 points or more are eligible to live and work in the UK.