The Circle


CW: This article contains mentions of depression and eating disorders.

Depression is not a glamorous thing; it is a cruel evil cycle that infects every part of you.
If it had a form it would be that of a circle.
An endless loop of shadowed recursion. As simple as it is ensnaring.
Once you are within its walls escape seems impossible.
It creeps up on your mind slowly, stalking you with all the patience of a ruthless predator.
It does not strike quickly but instead takes its time as it dismantles you piece by piece.
It begins small and the worst part is that you feel as if you’re helping yourself somehow
Cancel your plans, they don’t really want to see you.
Skip that meal, you could do with losing weight.
Take a rest from work, you’ve earned it.
And so the line is drawn, the more you retreat inside yourself the larger it gets.
Before you know it those one-off things have become regular routines, become habits.
The line has devoured its tail and become the circle.
You don’t eat, you don’t sleep, some days you can’t even leave your house
It has sunk its talons so deep beneath your skin that you are no more than a puppet.
Trapped within a prison you were tricked into creating
The habits become your obsessions, your devotions. They become dangerous.
You realize that canceling plans is an easy excuse for solitude
A missed meal is now routine, you eat perhaps one meal a day
The resting becomes draining lethargy, sapping your energy and motivation
The circle draws tighter, the noose creeping ever inwards.
Your life becomes an endless series of ever-narrowing loops,
When they get too small; you succumb.
You lose all passion, all drive, all hope.
And when you are nothing more than a shadow of what you once were,
The circle becomes a speck of purest torment that will try to end you.
By whatever gods exist may you never find yourself in that narrow place.
Break the cycles. Find that spark that gets you up every morning. Feed it.
Recognise that you need help and seek it wherever you can
In friends, in family, in loved ones.
Acknowledge the truth that there are those who can help you
They want to help you, and they will.
But it all begins with you
Break the cycle.
Tear it apart.


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