A Beginner’s Guide to Dealing with Catcallers

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Most people get catcalled at some point in their lives. It’s a natural occurrence that should be accepted and celebrated. If you’ve found yourself inviting shouts in the street and fear that you might be taking it the wrong way, here is some advice about how to deal with catcallers:

  1. Be Ugly

Catcallers are incredibly picky and will only target you if you look like Kate Moss or Gigi Hadid. Careful consideration and planning go into constructing the perfect catcall, so efforts will not be wasted on anyone average-looking. If you’re naturally good-looking, have no fear! You can easily make yourself ugly by changing your clothes, makeup or hairstyle.

2. Wear the clothing equivalent of a bin bag or, failing that, an actual bin bag

Catcallers have an uncontrollable interest in fashion and love to comment on what you’re wearing! If you don’t wish to receive feedback regarding your outfit, try to wear neutral clothing. Avoid wearing necklines that are too low as you may invite assumptions about your level of sexual activity. Equally, avoid high necklines if you wish to avoid comments such as ‘prude’.  Don’t wear clothes that are too garish or clothes that are too plain. Aim for the middle ground if you wish to exist beneath the radar.

3. Maintain a neutral expression

Catcallers only want to be your friend, so avoid smiling at them if you don’t want to attract their attention. That said, they may become extremely upset if you seem cold or unapproachable, as friendliness is such a priority for them. Remember: you’d be much prettier if you smiled!

4.  Stay positive

Catcalls are either compliments or constructive criticism. We should all be grateful for these comments, whether or not we ask for them. Maintain this positive attitude and you will simply glow after being shouted at in public. Who doesn’t love having their breasts rated out of ten?

5. Shout back

Again, catcallers only want to be your friend.  Strike up a conversation by responding with a sarky comment. Even better, compliment them back. This will only invite a pleasant interaction that will result in a friend for life!

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