Matt Hancock Wearing Badge with ‘Twat’ Written on it

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Health Secretary Matt Hancock has been seen wearing a bright blue badge with the word ‘twat’ written on it in what seems to be a moment of self-awareness for the MP for West Suffolk after trying to sell ‘CARE badges’ to care workers who would honestly prefer adequate wages, equipment and funding at this point in time.

With the badge, Mr Hancock will receive the scorn he missed from retail staff given recent social distancing rules, just as individuals wearing NHS or the new CARE badges will receive discounts and other perks from them.

Given that the CARE pins were not actually meant to be released as a symbol of gratitude for those fighting the coronavirus, but were in fact just a year late, other members of the Tory party were prompted to sport similar ones to Hancock’s.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson said that he was ‘sorry if anyone was upset’ by the poor messaging behind the pins, adding that wearers would get free love and respect from retail staff as well whilst wearing them, although whether they will get enough to live off is doubtful.

The ‘Twat’ badges have proven to be extremely popular amongst MPs across the political spectrum, even becoming fashionable in America after Ivanka Trump handed them out at a Passover celebration in New Jersey; a celebration that she broke government social distancing guidelines to attend.

Ian Duncan Smith, the original creator of the ‘Twat’ badges, announced that he had been considering making more with other messages to accommodate the characters of other politicians, but seemed unsure whether to actually bother given that most Conservative MPs would probably just end up wearing badges that said ‘Posh Twat’ on them.

Meanwhile, some MPs voiced complaints at how they too would have to purchase their badges themselves like care workers will, right before Parliament promptly voted to increase MP wages by £9,000 to cover the extra costs for them.

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