Vote Cancelled After Candidates Thought to Be ‘Sus’

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Following mass controversy, it has been officially recognised that the US elections will be suspended after it was revealed that all remaining candidates are ‘sus’.

While it may seem like a joke as the candidates are being likened to the saboteurs of a popular online game, it is certainly no laughing matter. Trust that is essential to politics has been destroyed, especially as many people can’t decide on who to vote for, and keep either removing innocent parties or producing stalemates.

Examples of this suspect behaviour can be found in official White House correspondence. Donald Trump was asked during a meeting with senators why he had a ‘big button that says kill,’ on his screen, while Joe Biden had claimed he was incapable of doing the tasks that were set out for him even though he was trying really hard to, it was just like something was stopping him. The final nail in this almost too real coffin was when Trump responded to claims that he was neglecting those in financial and social ruin by stating that he ‘fell into a grate and can’t get out.’

It seems unfortunate for those who must partake in this now-cancelled American election as perhaps voting for the lesser evil is not the way most utopian fantasies play out their governmental systems. Yet this bleak and stark reality must be pulled into focus, especially as oxygen is now at risk of being turned off. This could have cataclysmic effects on the rest of the world, which really would make the situation very sus.

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A philosophy student with a penchant for uncertain puns. Pause Editor 20/21, i.e. funny sausage

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