Varsity to be Replaced with Online PS4 Tournament


Among widespread cancellation of sporting events worldwide due to the spread of Covid-19, Varsity at Southampton has been cancelled, with assurances that the event will be replaced with an online PS4 tournament.

The move to an online gaming tournament comes as an attempt to give fans of the event an alternative without the physical contact that is proving risky with the transmission of Covid-19, something that gamers worldwide lack.

Luckily for the footballers, it’s practically mandatory to be good at FIFA if you also play the actual sport, so we can expect those games to be full of sweaty goals, sore thumbs and smashed TV screens specially paid for by SUSU.

Unfortunately, every single other sporting video games are quite crap and no one plays them, resulting in a mass rush of training in this unknown sport for players from both the universities at Southampton and Portsmouth.

Attempts are also being made to sort a connection between Wii consoles for participants in golf, baseball and bowling, also known as the holy trinity of Wii Sports.

Rumours have been floating around that Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games will also grace fan’s live streams, but that is reportedly being reserved for 2020 Olympic Games in Tokyo in case the prestigious athletic event is also cancelled due to the spread of Covid-19.

The downgrade in quality of Varsity will not be reflected in the financial payment people already paid for Varsity tickets as no refunds will be issued.

The upside is that sports players of the University of Southampton will be able to rub their superiority in the faces of those from the University of Portsmouth with their E-Sports skills, perfected through many hungover days gaming after a flurry of Wednesday nights in Jesters.


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