I’ve actually never watched porn,
It must be said,
But when the handyman handied,
A thought popped in my head.
I was awake early,
Awaiting his call.
Sat atop the stairs,
Dressing gown and all.
Then he knocked on the door,
With rip rap and delight
But I never would have expected
My sweaty, shining knight.
He boot stomped and walked
To the back of my house
Where I sat and watched
Like a cheese-hungered mouse.
He opened my washer
And told me he’d fix
But I just sat on the sofa
I’m not one of those chicks.
Yet, as he was banging around
I couldn’t help but think
Am I in a porno?
God, I need a drink.
When he asked me for tea
I was taken aback
But he meant the liquid
Not the dinner time snack.
When he said it was finished
He just walked out the door
Not even a mention of s*e*x*
Wow, what a bore.
So I’m not in a porno
Instead, he did just come to fix
Is that jealousy for my washing machine?
Give that the deep six.
Who knew a thing that would clean
Would make me feel all dirty.
I’m all hot and bothered
And it’s only two-thirty.
