UK Government Offered Honorary Marketing Degree from UoS

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As the saying goes, ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’; advice that has been taken by the Government in their repeat of a month’s old slogan, which has been praised by the University of Southampton as ‘frankly genius.’ 

Known for his quirky catchphrases and unforgettable speeches, UK PM Boris Johnson has led his fellow politicians to educational success as they receive their Marketing Degree with Honours from UoS. Staff were particularly taken aback with their tenacious choice of reusing the same slogan after binning and replacing it, and thought it was a job worthy of the highest commendation.

Speaking on behalf of the university, Mr Anonymous showed just how thrilled they were to be able to award someone really worthy, saying:

We are very proud to be able to call our fabulous MPs alumni of the University of Southampton. They have proved countless times that they are marketing geniuses, and have portrayed work that should be honoured and viewed with awe by our current cohort. The only thing the UK Government should now Stay Alert for is the diploma arriving in the post. I can’t really think of jokes for the other two bits but they’ve been great and we are really humbled.

This news has come as a shock to students who have themselves been feeling relatively let down by the university recently. Citing the lack of support and information as the main causes for concern, many students have claimed the university, and Government, have ‘left them to the dogs’ and used them solely as a way ‘to make money.’

Warner Huntington III, a third year International Affairs student, has countered the concerns of his fellow students and claims that the university is doing just fine by him. He says:

I don’t really know what people are going on about. I feel completely supported. I have been able to achieve my proud 2:2 from the comfort of my fourth home and I really must thank my future colleagues at Westminster for their wonderful job at keeping my father’s offshore account safe. And who knows? Perhaps I too will be awarded an honorary Marketing degree at some point.

Wessex Scene would like to remind its readers than it takes hard work and determination to achieve your degree not someone else’s money, and we are very proud of all of you who keep going. That being said, I don’t think I would turn it down if someone offered me a free degree. Well done Mr Johnson and Co!

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A philosophy student with a penchant for uncertain puns. Pause Editor 20/21, i.e. a funny sausage

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