Wessex Scene Rewrites Novel for the Pandemic

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We at Wessex Scene have been inspired by a brilliant New Yorker article about how great novels would begin if they were written during the pandemic. 

Have a look at what our writers have come up with!

The Hobbit, By J.R.R Tolkein

‘In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. It wasn’t normally a nasty dirty wet hole filled with an oozy smell but this hobbit hadn’t been allowed out of his hole for a year so what can you expect.’

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Catch-22, By Joseph Heller

‘It was love at first sight. The first time Yossarian saw the chaplain he fell madly in love with him. He was rewatching Fleabag for the seventh time and couldn’t take his eyes off Andrew Scott.’

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, By J.K Rowling

‘Mr and Mrs Dursley of number four Privet Drive were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They didn’t need a government mandated vaccine to protect them from some poncy virus.’

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Of Mice and Men, By John Steinbeck

”A few miles south of Soledad, the Salinas River drops in close to the hillside bank and runs deep and green.’ ‘What an interesting documentary, Lenny,’ said George. ‘It’s a shame we can’t go out, we’re missing one hell of an adventure.”

The Gruffalo, By Julia Donaldson

‘A mouse took a stroll through the deep dark wood. A fox saw the mouse and the mouse looked good. ‘Where are you going to, little brown mouse? Come and have lunch in my underground house?’ ‘That’s very kind of you to ask, fox Joe – but I have to keep walking because Boris said ‘no”.’

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The Hunger Games, By Suzanne Collins

‘When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold. My fingers stretch out, seeking Prim’s warmth but finding only the rough canvas cover of the mattress. What a brave girl, she must have left early to join the toilet paper queue at Sainsburys.’

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A philosophy student with a penchant for uncertain puns. Pause Editor 20/21, i.e. a funny sausage

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