Breaking: University Students to Take First Semester in Space

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Following current COVID-19 concerns, it has been revealed that all university students studying in the UK will undertake the first semester of the next academic year in space.

While many universities had previously announced they were undertaking a ‘blended approach’ to next year’s studies, it has now been revealed that super-secret plans overrising the decisions of universities have been made by the government to transfer all university students to space. Students studying in the UK will be transferred up to their respective interstellar campuses by September 2020.

UK students studying who are currently living outside of the country will need to return by August 2020 for effective launch procedures to take place. Those who are residing in countries that have their own space exploration teams and who do not wish to return to the UK before transit will need to contact the UK embassy in their country of residence in order to coordinate travel.

However, the same courtesies have not been extended to other faculties in education. Primary and high school students are still expected to return to their usual routines fully by September. Marco Pierre White, Professor of Generation Gaming, has said that it is ‘reasonable’ to send younger students back to schools on the ground. During a press release, Pierre White stated that:

Younger children are tougher than adults with diseases. More importantly, they are very hard to coordinate and it wouldn’t suit their lifestyles to send them to space. Our team of officials have decided collectively that it is much easier for our consciences to sacrifice the health of the children rather than their education.

It is not yet clear how other nations are continuing their further studies programmes. However, a recent bidding war for the ownership of Antarctica has broken out amongst the superpowers of Earth.

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