The days of wondering what mini stick bowl you identify with are no more! Unless of course, you are more of a fork.
The perfect vehicle for wetness and cereal, you are a proper lad. You are the cream of the mushroom and are the unsung hero of the spoon world. Your bespoke shape may be the reason you are left out of many cutlery drawers, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. You are special. Perfect. A true angel. I love you.
You are a big talker. Yes, you are a crowd pleaser. Sure, I’ll let you have that. But you’re not pleasing me. Your stretched oblong shape makes you too big for my little mouth and makes it hard to drop my cake on my chewy molars. You may be popular, perhaps America’s Next Top Spoon, but to me, you are a liar. You are a silver surfer, and should be exiled from Earth as punishment for your deceit. But man, I do love ice cream.
Perfect. Yummy. SO cute. You make yoghurts last forever and everything more yummy. Nobody can say a bad thing about you. If you didn’t exist, people would immediately notice. There would be no more tea, no more coffee without a big lumbering clinker clinking around the mug. Unless all mugs were made much bigger. Think of all the lukewarm and neglected drinks that would ensue. Keep doing you, tea spoon, you unsung hero you.
You big heckin’ chonker. Made for serving with only some brave Canadians eating off your shiny surface, you make cooking that little bit more perplexing for those who don’t understand abbreviations. You have made many a dish a third more salty, but you can’t apologise for just being you! Oh lawd, he comin, so make way for a SpoonVP.
Recent research has shown you are not a spoon. You do not spoon, you ladle. Despite your spoon-shaped bowl, your erect handle changes your classification and therefore makes you a liar. Get out of my list.
Big delicious wood. You are so important for stirring my meal without scraping away at the non-stick surface of my pans. However, you stain so easily and for that, you will be relegated to ‘average.’ I hope you’re happy.
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