‘Paracetamol is the Devil in Disguise,’ Says Activist Group

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While painkillers are thought to help many people with minor ailments that may occur, an activist group have branded them as ‘deceptive’ and ‘very naughty’ as many consumers face unnecessary anxiety when finding out their packet does not contain tablets with a sugar coating.

Many consumers of the over-the-counter medication do not take them for their flavourful benefits. It has been reported that upon opening a packet without a delicious sugar coating, a person may receive heart palpitations similar to that of a small electric shock. A number of reports have stated that tablets, such as paracetamol, are a ‘death trap’ and are ‘almost as uncertain as the NHS in a post-coronavirus world.’  These same reports have shown a lack of sugar coating to be ‘the ultimate betrayal,’ and even outranks my boyfriend leaving the toilet seat up.

One of the latest victims, Maddie Sen, likened the betrayal to the feeling of being left in a petrol station toilet on a school trip. ‘The worst part is,’ she continued, ‘it wasn’t even a very good school trip.’

But it’s not just paracetamol that is sending shivers of uncertainty through the veins of its users. Other sneaky medicines, such as ibuprofen, have also been discovered as deceitful.

Humans Against Medicinal Spooking, known as HAMS for short, have begun petitioning against the uncertainty of over-the-counter medicines. Their main campaign, as well as trying to write the name and ingredient list of all medicines on the capsules themselves, is to ensure that all companies write ‘DECEIT LIES WITHIN’ on the front of all associated packaging.

Associate Director for HAMS, Carl Ling, spoke out at a rally outside Holland and Barrett’s Southampton store, saying:

It has been far too long that big pharmaceutical companies have been lying to us. While overcharging for the same product and causing the price of medicine to increase is pretty bad, letting its consumers believe you’re going to get a nice tablet and removing the sugar coating behind closed doors is one step too far. For too long, we have been faced with deception, but no more! From today onwards, we will no longer open a small box where unknown deceit lies within!

To see more of HAMS’ work or to keep up to date with their current campaigns, you can wait outside your local pharmacy from 10am-5pm and see if they turn up.

 

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A philosophy student with a penchant for uncertain puns. Pause Editor 20/21, i.e. funny sausage

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