PM’s Reasoning for Social Limit Announced As “IDK Funny”

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In a move that has been described as both bold and bodacious, British PM Boris Johnson has announced that the newest social restrictions were ‘guesses’ and ‘a bit of a laugh when you think about it.’

The newest restrictions will see limits of six people in most social settings, and are due to be put into motion from Monday 14th September. The news follows weeks of rumbled commotion from Downing Street when it was revealed that the somewhat blasé nature of the UK lockdown was not working effectively to control coronavirus.

However, in a pretty epic move by government officials, Johnson has told the public that he ‘really has no idea’ as to what he is meant to do, but ‘would be daft to start listening to actual scientists now.’ Johnson’s newest plan will be the next installment in their famous series of U-turns, after larger group settings were encouraged only a few weeks ago.

Jason, from Cornwall, is absolutely thrilled with the latest press release from the PM. In a recent interview with local news, Jason said:

I honestly thought that BoJo and the lads were done with messing around and were trying to get serious after all the A-Level mix-ups, but they’ve pulled out an absolute corker with this one and I’ve got to applaud them. Obviously, I’m still going to meet up with my seven friends because it’s only a joke anyway.

While it may not seem obvious, the constant uncertainty of what is expected of the public from the government has left many people confused about what is actually allowed. Following a recent survey, it was revealed that 97% of people had ‘no f***ing clue’ when asked what the current restrictions were. However, the results of this survey are perhaps a bit skewed considering the restrictions in place at the start of the questionnaire actually changed during the half-hour that the volunteers were in the room.

Johnson and his team have been praised for their recent announcement by the British Comedy Awards, who are hoping to book the MPs for a slot when live presentations can recommence. You can vote for BoJo and Co by posting a letter to: 10 Downing Street, Westminster, London, ensuring you’ve included that £50 note that Boris keeps asking Conservative Party members for.

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A philosophy student with a penchant for uncertain puns. Pause Editor 20/21, i.e. funny sausage

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