Fre Sha Vaca Do And Other Recipes

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All the best students are pretty damn bougie. However, it is quite difficult to find the best produce and make the most extravagant meals, especially on a budget. After much experimenting like good young adults, we’ve got a whole bunch of student-friendly, yummy-ish, and super unfulfilling meal ideas just for you!

Your flatmate’s leftovers

Fed up of forking out for someone else to fork your stuff? How about play that switcheroo card and be the good type of forker? If you’re early to bed and the sweet smell of greasy pizza or that naughty chow mein is sending you off to sleep, set a nice early alarm and help yourself to a wonderful breakfast that is already taken care of. The bonus to this is that late-night takeaway is usually accompanied by copious amounts of alcohol and the inevitable forgetfulness, so voila! You have an alibi!

That person sat next to you in Trago’s leftovers

The ageless concept of sharing can be used as a fun way of meeting new people. Craving a fancy brunch but your loan’s already gone? How about you take a quick pic of your table neighbour’s meal? If you’re lucky, they won’t finish their toast and you’ll be able to swipe a slice. Or perhaps, they will feel so devastated by your desperation that they’ll just pass the whole plate over. Now you can take an even better pic, and share it to your IG to make all your fellow poor friends jealous.

Glue and moisturiser

When getting dropped at uni, it is customary for those with willing parents to stock up the fridge, bathroom cupboard, and desk drawer. However, when the fridge is empty, most students will fall into a pit of despair as deep as their oncoming stomach groans. But fear not! The other two stocked facilitators have the ingredients for a real super snack. The combo of these two are slimy, yet satisfying, and definitely won’t make you ill at all. A real slop to make even the King of the Jungle envious.

Reduced stock jumble

Many supermarkets have daily refills of all their almost out-of-date food which can vary from slightly browned vegetables to unsalted butter or even a lovely cheese bun. Recently, we even managed to find some mussels for £1.37 in Waitrose, which I haven’t shown off enough just yet. These ingredients do have potential to be nice on their own, but a real savvy student will know that there is more on offer than first appears. Find a nice big pot, or a bin will do, and throw in the discounted items as well as anything that is not holding up too well from your own fridge. Shake it around a bit and pour it right down your throat, like the hungry and vicious seagull you’ve now become.

Avocado toast

Pick up a couple of avocados and remove the inside flesh (be careful of that stone!). Mash it into a slightly chunky paste and add your desired flavourings to taste, with perhaps a swipe of chilli flakes and a drizzle of lemon. If desired, fry an egg sunny-side up and brown some bread under the grill. Layer up together and angle the plate in front of the window for a natural picture.

Warning: This recipe may make you instantly unhireable, unloanable, and screwed for life. Enjoy at your own risk.

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A philosophy student with a penchant for uncertain puns. Pause Editor 20/21, i.e. funny sausage

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