Philosophy Student Shocked to Lose Argument Against Themself


It has been revealed that one UoS Philosophy student has been left devastated over the weekend when discovering they had indeed lost an argument against themselves.

Known for its intricate and formulated argument structure, Philosophy students are known throughout the higher education realm as the kinds of people who really won’t shut up until they win, even by default. They are the kinds of people who will happily engage in a playful discussion over which animal they would be if they could, but will not let you leave until you admit that it is morally unacceptable for you to say that you want to be a penguin.

However, one student from Southampton has found themselves in a bit of a moral pickle recently after genuinely arguing for both sides of the story.

‘It was about empty loo rolls,’ admitted the anonymous student in a Wessex Scene exclusive interview. They continued:

I had originally said that people should stop leaving them in the bathroom, but then I remembered that people pass the toilet on the way out to the bin since it’s right next to the front door, and then I can’t really recall what happened after that.

Witness reports say that the student was found many hours later, foaming at the mouth, with the last person to see them conscious leaving after the first 15 minutes of back and forward arguments. As it turns out, nobody else was defending either of the sides, since nobody else really cares about what happens to empty loo rolls. It has also been reported that this student is ‘very annoying to live with’ and ‘a bit of a nutter, to be honest,’ though this does appear to be the case for many oncoming students who decide to pick a Humanities subject and spend all their time parading how little work they have to do.

The student failed to deny these new rumours and has been asked that they are longer approached for comments. It seems maybe the only way for Philosophy students to save themselves from this kind of dangerous activity is to not enter any form of discussion with anybody, especially with oneself.


Wessex Scene Editor 21/22. Living vicariously through other people.

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