New Online Currency Uses Gossip as Stock Market Value

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Move over Bitcoin – it’s time for a new girl on the block! Bit-chin uses a wide landscape of formula to evaluate the expense of different strains of gossip, so there finally is value to what you are saying.

Tired of wasting away in a group chat where all you do is talk smack about some girl’s ex-boyfriend? Well, now is the time for YOU to cash into a new system where all those years of petty comments and sneaky investigatory work will land you with an electronic purse big enough to keep that big ol’ head of yours in.

For once, there is an actual reason for keeping the secrets to yourself – trade them into the database for wad-fulls of cold, hard, invisible cash! Sharing gossip brings down the stock market value for the information, so keeping things on the DL will serve you well for economic prosperity.

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Prices are very dependent on different circumstances, but the average calculated price for each type of gossip has been released:

It is 5 Bit-chin for every bit of girl-on-girl drama; 10 Bit-chin for every scandalous bit of relationship drama; 20 Bit-chin for evidence of unsuspected sleaze; and 50 Bit-chin for anything that makes us go ‘Gurl, whaaaat?!’

Millions of virtual millionaires have already been made, and that’s only from the gossip of one group of friends! Claim your stake in a brand-new world and make your fortune off the backs of others! Finally put that elusive group chat to good use

Bit-chin reserves the right to collect and store all data that has been sent in, regardless of whether or not is has been traded in for Bit-chin. Secrets have the tendency to leave the lips of the data store in order to create more drama and drive up the interest of Bit-chin. This is an ad. Bit-chin is desperate for a bit of gossip to fill an empty hole in their lives. Please tell Bit-chin secrets. Bit-chin won’t tell anyone, Bit-chin promises.

Xoxo Bit-chin

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Wessex Scene Editor 21/22. Top dog. Big cheese. Huge fan of synonyms.

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